—but that's not really true, is it? It's New Year's Eve and I'm sitting in the house I grew up in, and despite being an early twenty-something, this is the first time I've really felt like an adult who's home for the holidays. It's strange; this entire time I've felt about sixteen. The minutes keep on flying by. I...

—is mourning them in advance, even when nothing is wrong. Sometimes it's fear: growing up and around it, living every day and knowing it's still part of me. It will always be a part of me, that fear, for as long as we are both alive, the same blood cycling back and forth in our tired veins. Sometimes loving you is...

Sitting at my desk in my apartment, a few days after I last sat here. I just got back from a research conference, my second one in my entire life. This is the first time I've ever had to present my own research, though. It's exhilarating: getting dolled up with your friends in your hotel room, making your way...

Emo relapse in the year of our Lord 2025? Well yes! fall out boyI love Fall Out Boy. I probably love them now more than I did when I was a teenager who dipped her toes into every genre, including emo. There's just something about them that hits every time, especially when they start going on about people you just...

Earlier today I was doomscrolling and I came upon a video that was pretty standard Filipino humor: lip syncing to a classic karaoke song about how some other girl is going to snatch up the guy you've got your eye on. What caught me, though, was that the description of the "other girl" was near-perfectly applicable...

For this month's Bear Blog Carnival, Absurd Pirate asks, what's in your inventory? Without further ado, here are the things that would come spilling out of my body if this was a video game and you jumped me: hygiene kit A packet of tissues, a small spray bottle of rubbing alcohol, and enough pills for a small...

It's 2 a.m. and I'm sitting at my desk with my planner and nearly all the lights in my apartment open. A huge storm the size of the country is supposed to make landfall later today. I haven't felt this nervous about a typhoon in a long time. It's literally the size of the Philippines. What are you even supposed to...

Thursday: Back seat of your parents' car, wearing your mother's clothes, sleeping on a long ride like you haven't done since you were a teenager. The wake shows you your family like a hall of mirrors. Your teeth smile back at you in someone else's mouth. Friday: Gray sky, laundry in the back room. The clouds...

Starting a new thing on this blog because I've been getting really into finding new music as a method of procrastination lately. I've gotten into so many genres and artists over the years, but I love how the world is so big that I'll never run out of new music to listen to. So here's who and what I've been listening...

Coming back to this blog feels like sneaking into my own apartment, trying to be quiet, even though this is my apartment. I guess that's just how it feels to come back from internet death. I didn't mean to disappear for the whole of September (and half of October), but sometimes life creeps up on you. When I started...

Saturday evening, curled up in my chair, anxiety a second heartbeat behind my real one. I've wanted to cry all week from the sheer number of tasks I have to do, but the tears just won't come out. And it's only the first Saturday of senior year. I hate to bring this energy back to my blog (undiscoverable post again!...

It never gets properly dark in the city, for me. There's always a car, always a siren, always my own lights kept on because I'm still cramming for something. Cities never sleep, but my hometown does. The dark is alive here. Not in a creepy way, but in a biodiversity way. I'm writing this while listening to the night...