Hey friend, Over the last three years, I've realized the importance of relationships. Today, I want to talk about how I failed, how this failure cost me an extra year to get a promotion, and what I've learned. When I wanted to become an engineering manager, I thought I had enough skills to make the jump, and later I...
Regular career check-ups and running experiments in various domains are great strategies. It's difficult to see things from the outside. We often have wrong perceptions about a job until we start doing it. For example, until I became an engineering manager, I didn't know the importance of prioritization and the...
When a person wants to change something and consult us as a coach or manager, summarizing their request helps clarify what we understand from their desire to change and catch any misunderstandings. As guides (or coaches), we're not done until the other person reaches their goals. It tends to stop after the person...
Polarization is one of the biggest problems in the information age. Creating echo chambers is easy. When we face charged conversations or opposing perspectives, we often discard them and stay in our comfort zone. One of the fundamental reasons for polarization is discussing the why. When we find common ground and...
"Here are a few things that helped me. Do you think any of them might work for you?" is often implicit. (Use the question instead of giving recommendations or commands.) When it's implicit, people don't understand and become resistant to changing their behavior. Also, even when implicit, there are people easy to...
How we grow up shapes us—all of our thoughts, lifestyle, values, and more. Growing up in a culture where work is the only thing people care about profoundly impacted how I value myself. In Turkish culture, our lives are less valuable than our professions. Societal structures are created according to work. The more...
When we listen, we give the best gift: our attention. If we take time and listen to someone, why shouldn't we do it well? We have already given our time. We could also share our attention too. When people don't give their attention while listening to someone, the other side feels it. Listening well is not looking...
Irrationally repeating the same arguments, staying the same line repeatedly, and not budging frustrates people, and they raise shields. If we don't present humility and never accept valid arguments, we become irrational. We can ask, "What evidence would change your mind?" in any heated discussion to break this...
The fish is never aware of its surroundings. Everywhere is water for it; thus, it will never learn from its environment. Humans form stereotypical thoughts according to the environment they are in. Due to the biological nature of stereotypical beliefs, breaking them requires going out of the route and getting into...
When we think about conflicts at work, we see different behaviors and approaches. It's difficult to keep relationships out of work for some people. Whenever someone criticizes their work, they take it personally and become defensive. We see this behavior in relationship-based cultures. For example, a stereotypical...
I've been on the side of pushing my arguments more and more. I always chose the most logical side (at least the one that looked most logical to me) and always looked for extra ideas to support my reasoning. I thought I could win debates if I stuck to the facts and counted one point after another. Yet, some things...
When Simon Sinek recommended starting with why, there was a reason behind it. One of the arguments he had was, "With a clear WHY, everyone inside the company will be able to make decisions as clearly and as accurately as the leader." When the why is unclear, people tend to focus on why they should do something in...
