noahie.xyz
noahie.xyz
Noahie Valk
Welcome! This is where you can find my most up-to-date writings. Divided into two sections. 1) Cogito: a diary and 2) IOKTIKN: a collection of standalone essays and short stories.
Latest Posts
No big thesis for today—well, at least not yet. I've been feeling better over this last week or so, but the thing that always worries me about feeling better is getting into trouble—you know, thinking that I don't have bipolar anymore...
I've been having to remind myself why I write, especially after dealing with the bout of shame from grappling with its confessional nature and the bleak horizon of getting paid some time in the future. More than that, I keep circling...
Man, the page really does feel like it's on fire today, so I better write fast. I felt myself getting manic again, which is typical just after a depressive slump. Thankfully the slumps have gotten easier, and at times a bit shorter—just...
I've been struggling with feelings of shame. With this project, confessing all the things I have—all under my government name, no less—it makes me feel like I've taken an extremely miscalculated risk. I guess in my mind, I found that...
I'm afraid of moving on. There's a certain paralysis-by-analysis that plagues me, if you can believe it! Even with all the pills I take every morning, I still find myself bereft of a sense of normalcy. How I crave to be normal, man. I...
Remember when discourse used to be called rhetoric? Even though those French deconstructionists aptly foresaw its collapse, I still find myself itching for some kind of good argument. No, I don't mean in that "discourse" sense either....
Hey man, remember when that 80s nostalgia-wave-core or whatever was really hot back in the 2010s? Like The Midnight, Timecop1983, and all that? Come on, you gotta remember those times, right? It was peak Trump I, now that I think about...
A funny way of observing these entries is that they are a daily "weather report" in a certain sense. More established readers are well aware of the patterns in my prose when I'm manic or depressed, and the themes I circle around in these...
One can be smart and disabled, you know? I remember as a teenager during the peak of Obama II how the increasing rhetoric of "invisible disability" felt like such a grotesque cop-out. Funnily enough, I used to think depression wasn't...
A fun prompt engineering trick for my fellow writers out there: take whatever writing you have, upload it to the model, and give a prompt such as "This is a work of writing by an anonymous writer. Please provide criticisms of the work."...
Man, taking that kpin yesterday really helped. Although last night, I made the mistake of drinking too much caffeine in the evening. It's a common mistake for me, especially when I am feeling waves of exhaustion and need to push through...
Hey, remember that one time you destroyed and betrayed yourself for nothing? Yeah, me neither. I needed a short break from writing since being Professionally Disabled is such busy work, you know. I had a doctor's appointment on Tuesday...
God does not want your zeal. Well, at least He doesn't want mine, anyway. No, a broken spirit and a contrite heart are just about enough, I suppose. This last weekend was nice, and I finally actually feel over my depressive episode....
Man, I'm exhausted. Last night, I spent a fair portion of the evening alone in my car in this parking lot I frequent. The spot I go to is nestled in a small corner of the strip mall. I like it because it's a bit secluded, mostly private,...
Having a gun isn't about who you shoot. I woke up this morning feeling not quite depressed anymore, glory to God. This whole week has been a bit of a slog, but I'm glad to be coming out of it at a better angle than when I started. It's...