(image courtesy of mt59700664 on Lofter) i was asked to attempt a slightly different kind of entry, this time. one in which i reflect upon my progress since being admitted here. approaching writing with such a discrete, targeted air of positivity is somewhat of a foreign concept to me. i usually am a lot more...

(image courtesy of avogado6) today i celebrate the absence of thought. recognise the loss of direction and prepare to abandon ship. i will go on without control be free from regret and forget to remember. to this date i pledge that the greatest weight i shall hold is the weight of my soul and my escape from all...

(image courtesy of Henrik Uldalen) dear universe, i have a question for you. likely one that, in all of your infinite wisdom, has a stunningly simple answer. but such an answer has eluded me for more than 9 weary, long years. the question is this: how does one excavate a long-seated rot from one's soul, without...

" anatomical remodelling of the heart" (Juni, March 2026) a mixed-medium (graphite sketch / charcoals / collage) collation piece, using a 1960s car magazine to parallel the mechanical to the organic. to lay out the "engine" of our body in all of its raw, horrific, and venerable beauty. for our eyes to dissect,...

(image courtesy of avogado6) i harbour a rather twisted relationship with the notion of "healing". there's a particular kind of rush that i get when a blood pressure cuff curls delicately around my arm. when a pulse oximeter clamps hungrily onto my finger. when i'm lying there, eyes wandering slowly across the...

(image courtesy of unknown) why do i sometimes feel i need to find an excuse for my own existence? as part of my treatment, i've been reflecting on not only how my disorder developed, but also why i fall back on it as a coping mechanism. why it is perpetually, quietly, milling in the background, my very own safety...

(image courtesy of avogado6) today I plant my feet on unsteady ground. yet i will not cede to the rumblings beneath. and, I will not surrender this beat of my heart. __/\__/\__ ____/\____/\____ __/\__/\__ ____/\____/\____ today I wish to return to a time I can no longer name. and i will be parted, split body from...

(image courtesy of unkown, on pinterest) the question of "who am i, without my eating disorder?" is one that turns over and over within my head, like a slowly rotating spit over an ever-waning fire. a hearth whose very essence is gradually sapped, crackling and withering away. when you live with someone, something,...

(image courtesy of an unknown artist, on pinterest) i was planning to write more. i apologise (to no one) in advance. this afternoon and evening, for a few hours, i totally and utterly lost sight of my identity. i was floundering, treading water within a sea of endless comparisons with my Past Self. or, Past Selves,...

(image courtesy of IllustrationsByMira) i was asked by a clinician today; what challenges me at the moment, right now? right, well; time to take out and fold up my toaststool top from this closet. this was following a conversation that we were having, regarding beginning to work on the more "advanced" steps of a...

(image courtesy of kuropin) Soundtrack: Life with Masks (Mystic Messenger OST) today, i have very little to "give back", per se. to an entry, a reflection. i just have... plain words. so i'll start to unpack my closet. beginning with the pair of overalls and Hello Kitty shirt that I wore today. it was a day where i...

(image courtesy of Deborah Di Salvo) how does one truly free oneself from the tyrannical grip of rules, routines and restriction, within an environment that is utterly governed and dictated by them? i've been pondering this question—on tolerance, "group norms", expectations and behaviours—for a few days now. and i'm...