(image courtesy of avogado6) why do i care so much about what i "put into" myself? do i actually care about "preserving my health", or am i just pursuing some vain and self-obsessed notion of purity, abstinence; a means of "proving" my worth and existence here, on this earth? within this physical plane, society,...

(image courtesy of 河CY) a whirlwind has swept through yet another day, reducing it down to an odourless ether marred by the overwhelming sense of mental and physical fatigue, from doing (or being forced to do)... absolutely nothing. i'm not quite sure how yet to unpack this idea, this feeling, that i wallow within...

(image courtesy of avogado6) i don't particularly have much of... well, anything, tonight. to contribute, reflect on, build upon to coalesce in some therapeutically satisfying and well-rounded conclusion. a "lesson learnt", or some "grand takeaway", "quiet sense of determination", "resolute pledge". all that lies,...

(image courtesy of Homutan) as my first full day here draws to a close, i did not expect the medical curtains of my room to swing shut to hide a cascade of sudden tears. not tears of fear, exactly; although a fear of the future and all of it's uncertain depths is still very much lying in wait. as much as i mask it,...

(original image source unknown) Soundtrack: ANOTHER DREAM (Yume Nikki OST) this will be a shorter entry. but one that marks the beginning of what i'm collating into my collection of daily recovery posts. a collection that i aim to add to each and every evening during my inpatient stay. in an attempt to both document...

(image courtesy of Suika Litchi) life is strange, each day spent pacing this quiet anteroom. my footsteps echo and bounce off the walls around me, as regular and as plodding as my still-beating heart. even as we both tire further, driven desperately by a compulsion within—to punish? to remedy? to cower? to atone?—to...

(image credit of @john___M__) From Bearblog Carnival February 2026: Q: Are you ever bored, what do you do when you are feeling bored or are we even capable of feeling bored in this age of limitless digital entertainment? whoaaaah, boy. this one's a tricky one. let's start with a definition: boredom: the state of...

i wrote this whilst responding to one of my dearest friends on signal; an activity that, with the state i've found myself in, is one that i struggle sometimes to even muster up the strength to do. to claw my way up the walls of expectation that i've constructed for myself, that i feel rising around me as i dig my...

soundtrack: 'Fractals of Ruin' by Apocryphos & Penumbral Aethyr. Heard on The Dark Zone you used to be the golden child. the prodigy, the bookworm, the bright one. resilient one. the one you didn't have to worry about. "she'll be right" they said. you said. you believed. then your thoughts grew. they sprouted...

A hypocenter or hypocentre, also called ground zero or surface zero, is the point on the Earth's surface directly below a nuclear explosion, meteor air burst, or other mid-air explosion. gazing up from ground zero. the earth beneath me scorched. marred beyond recognition, a jagged blast radius cascading out around...

i've fallen into a paralysing habit of jotting down, sitting on and ultimately hoarding a series of my past thoughts. thoughts that bubble to the surface and gnaw at my consciousness, mostly when i'm out and about, that i mentally promise myself I'll "get back to exploring fully, properly... later." yet when i...

the rolling tide has crept in, and out forth, and back, seventeen times. ~ seventeen times, since i have last drawn my fingers across the bubbling froth it carries and dared dip them beneath, to carve sweet nothings into the soft sand over which it runs. ~ seventeen days since i last felt the granules rub gently...