tonight, i managed to sit down for over an hour, and watch 4 episodes of anime with my brother. yes, a truly minumental (i'm going to keep that typo, i feel it quite perfectly encapsulates the ridiculousness of both that statement, and my feelings around it) achievement, indeed. but, relative to the last two months...

at long, long last. the cry bursts out, gasping, a rush of trapped air flooding from the back of the chamber. . .. ... swirling, rushing, clawing it's way down the hallway. . her fingers, clawed paintbrushes that gush red from nails worn bare with thoughts that swell and drive every movement, yet dwell deep beyond...

I hated these journals [that I used to write], or at least I hated reading them. I hated the incessant patter of my own anxious mind... a mind that was always behind deadline, always living in a kind of muffled, abject terror; a mind full of panicked promises: I know I am bad, I intend to get better, all I have to...

when i collapsed onto the couch next to my mum this afternoon—after having spent the past hour and a half frantically occupying myself with whatever job, errand or "see-and-do" that my addled brain could conjure up for me—i think we both knew there was something wrong. it was confirmed when she asked me how the...

well, what a week. a flurry of work, wayward roadtrip adventures and antics, and above all, wonderful encounters with whimsical, wise and wacky folk at BSides... i truly couldn't ask for much more. the kindness, acceptance and generosity i encountered over there was truly staggering, and is a testament to the...

my, this last week has been... scattered. and a rather big one, to say the very least. as an aside, i've added a few spontaneous micro-entries on my adjacent site's caramel slice gallery, for anyone interested in some extra micro(code) that largely pertains to starting at my new job. so scattered, in fact, that i've...

over the past week, i have reformatted & wiped my lenovo thinkpad t480s a total of 6 times. windows (to dual boot with nixOS) custom microwin install (to dual boot with nixOS) nixOS with encrypted btrfs (by itself). arch linux with encrypted btrfs (install #1). arch linux with encrypted btrfs (re-install #2). and...

ps: i hope y'all enjoy the new blog styling tweaks as much as i enjoyed wrestling with making them! <33 whew. this week(s)'s entry, much like myself, is running more than a little late. in fact, the particularly astute amongst you may notice that we've actually landed a week in the future–and the entry name has been...

this week has been filled with too many words. when i was first having... difficulties (putting it lightly) with a certain individual over a year ago, i remember countless nights of assaults from seemingly endless walls of text. hours spent, wasted worrying, repeatedly picking up my phone and dreading the next...

What is happiness to you? What kind of person do you want to be when you grow up? And are you on track to becoming that person? Happiness [for me] is when someone acknowledges that it's okay for you to be here. I had that same dream again (Video Essay) i've been thinking about this question of the course of this...

"i'm inspired by you". someone said this to me recently. not even just one person, but several. several people whom i look up to myself, and admire immensely. and their words struck me harder than most anything has, as of late. because they shattered and exposed my crust, revealing the depths of how utterly hollow i...

i've been sitting on the beginnings, or rather the dredges of this note, this "entry", for a good while now. today was ostensibly "good", "exciting" even. i met with a lovely friend, got two lots of incredible news, and played a phenomenal game. and i want to say, that i am immensely grateful for all of that. but...